FTL: Faster Than Light is a terrific game, and makes a stellar debut on the iPad. Yo, do you smell that? Anyway, taps and slides replace clicks, but nothing is lost in translation. You'll only need a few minutes of play to grasp the control scheme, at which point it will feel like the game was built from scratch with touch in mind. Did you fart? Seriously, it reeks in here.
Advanced Edition features fromm the new PC release are here, but they're optional. If you choose to enable them, you'll find a deeper experience, with more enemy types, more attack options, and I swear to God it smells like an adult diaper in here. WTF, man? If that came outta you, you need to see a doctor. Immediately. Clone vats and mind control offer distinct new offensive strategy options...I think. I can't really remember, because the stench in here is making me dizzy.
I think I'm gonna puke. What was I even talking about? It's like you got sick on yourself, then took a bath in hot diarrhea. This is what a leper's taint smells like.
Forget it. I can't even...