It was a lifetime ago that I ate at Jack in the Box. Summer days gone by of The Phantom Menace and Lego forts consumed those such a period and long has my mind wandered to what the illusive Jack tasted like. That Friday of the month where I eat fast food of fancy for my thoughts, reflections, and appetite has come again.

So I guess I pulled up at my local drive-thru, I whipped out my wallet for the Sourdough Jack Club Combo,* and gave it a whirl. What happened next? Read on, and (maybe) I’ll make you hungry.

*Nutritional information provided here.

For this review, numbers, letters, pluses, and minuses just don't cut the taste of food in your mouth. No, in this case, it's only on the "Edible Scale" as follows:

A (+,-) = Yum! [Certified delicious, must try]

B (+,-) = Mmm [Genuinely tasty, general recommendation]

C (+,-) = Hmm... [On the fence, middle of the road, fair choice]

D (+,-) = Erm.. [Bland, less than flavorful, alright if you're really hungry]

F (+,-) = Ugh... [Certified disgusting. Avoid at all costs unless starving in the Sahara Desert]

As for criteria? The entire experience is part of that package. The service, the food, the packaging, the accuracy of advertisement, all of its relevant to your perfect dining experience to get the food and consuming it. Now, if you don't mind, let's get to it. 

Service:

Nothing special, ‘bout five minutes total come rush hour, a remarkable for living right next to a freeway exit. Fast-working employees do that, if not ones with which I almost dropped my change (whoops). A non-issue experience lasting as long as my car was pulled up. 

***

Sourdough Jack

Burgers are rarely the better part of Jack in the Box’s menu and rarer still have they lingered on my mind (or tongue). It was eons since one graced my mouth, so, feeling lucky, I decided my taste buds might have been mistaken about their last J in the B burger excursion. I was the one mistaken.

“We don’t make it until you order it,” Jack assures me, but from the looks of the item that lay in front of me, I’d beg to differ. Unceremoniously plopped in front of me was the perhaps the poor man’s version of the juicy, beefy morsel advertised. 

It sags as if it’s frowning, no doubt to do with the sad, flavorless patty slapped between two slices of sourdough bread and doused in an ocean of mayonnaise. The single tomato is something depressingly small and the entire burger tastes like one thick, gooey mess. More like eating mayo straight from the can via a few bites of sandwich. It’s all a bit moist and unmemorable, and where did its showcased cheese go?

What bacon strips are little more than a couple of uninspired bites, much less keep from slipping through the mayo if you’re not careful. That said, it tastes half-decent dipped in the white stuff. “Love Bacon? Marry it,” Jack chides me. No, no thank you. We’ll just be pen pals, thanks.

The mayo’s a guilty pleasure in a sourdough sandwich, albeit a very guilty one, but anything in between it can’t help but feel genuinely compensated by it. The bread’s adequate and the meat’s just meh, but overall the Sourdough Jack can’t seem amount to more than an:

Rating: Erm...

***

French Fries

Entrées are hard. Sides are even harder. Among them, French fries are doubly tricky. Salty, crunchy, potato-y, it’s difficult to make them memorable, much more to make them desirable all their own. 

Jack’s fries are no different and no worse for dining; maybe no better either. Salted just right, but a bit stale nonetheless, most ranged somewhere between your index finger and your pinky with an alien, 6 incher. More reminiscent of Burger King’s crunch than McDonald’s flab, Jack’s fries never dwell long as an aftertaste, but like a potato chip, you’re at least sad when all twenty of them are gone. 

Rating: Hmm...

***

Mocha Iced Coffee

As the name would imply, Jack likes putting his coffee on ice, and that’s seemingly the best (if not only means) to a good cup ‘o caffeine. While it’s difficult to say what their grainy Roast Coffee is brewed with, their mocha is a pleasant surprise from their frothy sugar stable. 

Taking a chance on a regular, their iced coffee is a milky, creamy delight like anything of Starbuck’s topped off with a dozen ice cubes chilled in a smooth texture. A coffee that tastes like a shake with half the thickness, guzzling Jack’s coffee is a treat that’ll ripple your throat like whipped cream with a smooth, measured sweetness.

The bad news? It’s a shame there has to be enough ice to (literally) water it down a notch, even for a regular, I feel. Don’t be shy to get your caffeine from Jack’s regardless, but entrust yourself to a large at the least. Jack’s Mocha Iced Coffee gets a...

Rating: Mmm...

What do you make of Jack in the Box? Tried it, liked it, hated it? What’s your favorite pick, what’s your worst enemy? Share your mouth’s memories.