As is probably the case with pretty much everyone, I within the past few months I had to struggle with some dark times. Moments of self-doubt, moments of fear, moments where I began to believe that tomorrow held little promise.
I stopped doing a lot of the things that I loved, including blogging. And it's especially troubling when you get to a point where all that you've usually done to pick yourself back up doesn't seem to work anymore. I swear sometimes it seems that we spend half of our lives justifying our existence. Like we need to. Like we are supposed to.
I was in that place. And I saw no way out.
I'll confess to something that's a little embarassing. I used to be one of those people hooked on "motivational" books and speakers. These days, there are a million and one soothsayers all claiming to know the secret to happiness. And perhaps for a moment, they can offer some relief because the joy comes from believing that someone can simply give you what you've been missing.
I did that for a long, long time until it started to seem a bit corny. Most of the advice that you see out there amounts to navel gazing. Most of it boils down to seeing yourself as the center of the universe. At least that's how I see it.
The other thing is how happiness is always described as something you must acquire through some sort of process, or deliberation. Somehow that never sat right with me.
So why am I writing this blog on a gaming site?
Well, I guess because I've been thinking about stories that I've seen and heard, and read about others in the world of gaming who faced the same issues.
I had a dark time, but I'm happy to say that I found a way out. And well, maybe if I what I learned can help anyone else, then so be it.
The best thing that ever worked for lifting me out of darkness was two things. Gratitude and humility, which to me basically boils down to being grateful for what you have and not expecting or assuming too much.
This is really a philosiphical sort of thing. Not everyone will agree with me.
But I recently had a friend tell me about a challenge where each day, you make a list of things you are grateful for. I thought it was a good idea, but honestly I felt that it didn't go far enough. If all your doing each day is saying "Gee, I'm going to be happy because I have this and this, and this, and because my life is awesome!" , that just rings hollow to me. It just seems like a cleverly disguised form of vanity.
But, I guess that the value I see in that exercise is the idea of recognizing your assets, and understanding that your life could have gone any other way, but that you at least have SOMETHING to hold onto. And maybe, just maybe, that something is what you need most. I like the idea of trying to find the upside in the midst of everything going bad.
The truth, at least as I've found it, is that sometimes you just have to double down and get back to basics. Sometimes it is expectation that robs you of satisfaction. People tell you a million and one things about how your life should be, and what it should look like.
I personally think you just have to let life flow, and you with it. I am quite fond of a quote from the late Bruce Lee which says in part, "Be like water, my friend."
I know this is a bit of an unusual blog for GIO. But I had a feeling, and I just wanted to go with it. I wanted to share some things that I appreciate and am grateful for. And even if these things never last forever (as most things do not), they were of value to me in my time.
I am grateful for video games and the sense of accomplishment and wonder, and joy they have brought to my life.
I am grateful for the GIO community and the support and comradery I've found here.
I am grateful to be able to see my love of writing grow and to receive inspiration from reading the thoughts and opinions of others on GIO.
I am grateful for how my world has expanded in so many ways through imaginary, virtual worlds.
I am humbled by the things that I've learned from others, and the blogs I've read that have moved me to consider things from a new perspective.
I am happy to have been born in a time where I could see the kind of technology we see today, and to have hope and wonder for what may be possible tomorrow.
I am amazed to realize and know that time, age, and circumstance do not seperate us as much as we may imagine. We all have very common dreams, and what makes life worthwhile is universally understood, if even on a subconscious level.
I don't think you have to chase after happiness. I don't think it can be found in anything outside of yourself. I think you have to just be, and realize that anytime we have is good time indeed.