The scene: Somewhere in the Delta Quadrant.
Good morning. How are you today?
ARRGUHL SPORG SNAFOO! GRONK IKKSNURGH!
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to turn on the Universal Translator. *click* There.
Good morning. I'm doing well, thank you.
Thanks for coming in, Mr...
Kragglor, Devourer of Worlds.
Now, Mr. Worlds...
Please, call me Kragg.
Alright, Kragg. As you are aware, our organization is planning a massive invasion of a small class M planet in the Reinus Sector called Earth. It's rich in natural resources and the only planet in the sector with a breathable atmosphere. It's ripe for exploitation. However, it's inhabited by an indigenous species that is self-aware and which we need to subjugate. We have most of our senior invasion staff in place, but we're still looking for someone to command the first surface assault. Tell me about your experiences in the enslavement of inferior races.
Well, I was Away Lieutenant during the Zreelox Domination, Vice-Regent of the Kelgarian Reorganization on Prexlus V, and personally suppressed the Great Skabro Bunny Uprising of 3712.
That was you?
That was me. Those Bunnies may be cute, but man oh man.
Yeah, I've heard about them. Now, these Earthers aren't particularly bright. They only have space travel sufficient to orbit their own planet, and the made it to their moon 1,658 cycles ago, but that was it. However, they do have nuclear technology. This is a potential problem for us. Not from a military standpoint, of course. But if the Earthers attempt to use them on our fleet, they might just destroy the reason we're going there in the first place - beside the joy of conquest, of course. But Supreme High Councilman and Bringer of Death Randy won't green light the cost of the invasion if he thinks the planet might be rendered unexploitable. The investors would flip. If you were appointed commander, how would you handle the Earthers' nukes?
Well, I think that DIE! DIE! YOU WILL ALL DIE!! Oops. Sorry about that. Sometimes I get a little excited.
No, that's fine. I love the enthusiasm.
I think a simple targeted remote strike from just beyond the fourth planet would effectively neutralize their launch sites. Quick, but expensive. We could always go with seed pods, but that takes time, and it isn't particularly fun. A nice compromise might be to send in the Drillmasters to take them out from below. Then we can go to town.
Okay, good answer. *takes a few notes* Would you call yourself a people person?
Only if they're marinated and slow cooked in the juices of the Fizzbin. *both laugh heartily* No, but seriously, I only had to eat three of my crew for insubordination on my last assignment. I run a pretty tight ship.
Excellent. Where do you see yourself in five cycles?
I love my work, so...(pauses)...I'd have to say sitting on a throne on Earth with the Earthers bringing me native foods and stroking my tentacles with imported Gralk fur.
Boy, you and me both. Well, Kragg, I don't think I need to hear anything else. I have a few more candidates to interview, but I have to say, you're at the top of my list. Leave a DNA sample with Betty on your way out. Once I finish up, I'll make my decision and let you know.
Sounds great. And thanks again.
